NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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