since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
