in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
