I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
