Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
