I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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