I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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