I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
