Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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