I think I just saw someone hide a body.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
