:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
worst night to have a conscience
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
it's like heaven, but drunker
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
