Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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