i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
