Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
