just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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