Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
