so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
