Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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