Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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