Will you blow on my dice?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
