There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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