I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Bring me that man meat
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
