I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
So many bounce houses so little time
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
