i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
