We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
