I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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