Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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