im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
