Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
