I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
