Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
