dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
