kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
