Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
