Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm experimenting with sincerity
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
