Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
