I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
