I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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