He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
