if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
