He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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