Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
