how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
So squirting runs in the family.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
