I like to think it a success when the cops are called
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
