I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
