Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
