Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
