I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
