just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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