So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
