U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Come see our sink grown plant.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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